filler post

this coming summer has the potential to be the best summer ever. as long as i can find the right part-time job and finish my Master's Essay my mid-June, everything should fall into place. Yes, I did just re-read that sentence and understand that I may be kidding myself. Maybe I shouldn't be arranging my schedule around Mod night...

I think that I could/would "date" again if anything seemingly pleasant presented itself, though for now i am perfectly content without any of that silliness. i enjoy the knowledge that i don't have to please or impress anyone but myself at the end of the day. and that's fortunate, because i really don't.

i think the best thing about being single is that you get to imagine for a time that you have high standards. its like beginning a new school term and prematurely congratulating yourself for doing all of the reading.

good morning world

i was a bit late for work this morning because i was out drinking and dancing and being foolish until 3 a.m. i missed my bus and was waiting downtown, willing my hangover to lift and depart, when i saw a man in a bus shelter drink an entire bottle of mouthwash in one, desperate chug. i nearly cried.

its always fun to read your text message history the morning after a night of ridiculousness. my last text message to my friend Nate, which I must have sent in my sleep, said simply "Might nasdan." What do you think I was trying to say?

my apartment decor is becoming more and more odd. my stereo is in the fireplace, there are birds over the bathtub, and now i have a drawer hanging on the wall and a picture frame as a bedside table. i like claiming new uses for old objects.

i am going to volunteer with the spca as a small animal cuddler. seriously. i wish i could do it full time.

i watched the sun go down for two hours last night while lying on the beach in front of the cemetery. there was a wedding party drinking champagne and being photographed on the rocks to my left and a man fishing on the rocks to my right. it was all perfectly satisfying.

friday night was ridiculous. one minute i was in my pj's drinking peppermint tea, the next i was shooting whiskey at badd manor and tossing a just-emptied bottle of wine into the bushes on the way downtown. i stole a beer at big bad john's and gave it to my friend and she had to talk her way out of it when the guy came back (forty minutes later) looking for his beer. our friend got cut off so we moved along to the local twenty-something spot, where i proceeded to hit on a twenty-something guy in a kangol hat and thick rimmed glasses who makes salad for a living. not my best moment. the night ended with a walk home in the rain at three am and a cell phone conversation about chopping wood and the fleeting nature of happiness with a friend of a friend. just a low-key night in.

i have epiphanies when i look into my bathroom mirror. i had one while brushing my teeth yesterday morning that released me from long-harbored feelings of guilt and inadequacy. i love epiphanies. they eradicate blights from the psyche. maybe this explains why for the last year of my last relationship i had a hard time looking at my face in the mirror.